Where’d the time go?

It’s feels like yesterday.

I was pregnant. Eating apples and pizza rolls in bed at 3am binge watching vampire diaries while my husband was in basic training for a long 6 weeks. I was so independent. I had my own schedule to go by, counting the days til I seen my husband again, writing letters at least twice a day, keeping myself busy. It felt like just the other day, I was writing him about my day, how big the baby was getting, how I was feeling, how much I missed him. I miss being pregnant. I remember it so slightly, I remember saying ” this is hell and I wish it was over”, but fuck do I miss it now.

Tonio was JUST a month old.

Where has the time gone? When I didn’t have to worry about him rolling off the bed, nevertheless crawling off the bed. The gross but cute yellow liquid poop, the spit up that was constantly over my shoulder, and the caution you had to take to hold his neck while you held him because he was just that delicate. I miss him being an itty bitty. I miss it all. I blinked too many times and now that time that I will never get back, is gone. I wish I didn’t blink so many times.

It wasn’t too long ago when he learned to smile. Three months old I think. I missed the first one, or maybe I caught it.

You never know if you miss the first time they do something because it seems like right after the first time, they all the sudden become a pro.

He has smiled every day since the day I seen him smile for the first time. Those gums never looked so cute. I never thought I could melt so hard before I seen my son smile. You never know what falling in love is until you meet someone you created.

Yesterday feels so close of  time ago. But also feels like an eternity ago. I remember it all too well but at the same time, it’s such a fuzzy mess.

I need to learn to keep my eyes open more. Breathe a little slower and take in as much of this time as I can.

Because one day, I’m going to start driving, look behind me and see my little boy is now a teenager holding hands with his good for nothing girlfriend as I’m taking them on their first date. I’m going to hold his hand, turn, and look into the eyes of a groom who was just my baby. I’m even scared of being called mom instead of mama.

 Where did all the time go?


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