Welcome back my beautiful mama community!
I’d like to take just a second to say we’ve missed your views and I hope you missed our wacky stories of whatever us mamas talk about. After Thanksgiving, there was Christmas, then there was a family vacation, and then there was TONI’S FIRST BIRTHDAY OH MY GOD and well..
I AM TIRED DAMMIT.
So much has happened in the past few months that my head is still spinning. To think I was just writing about my kid turning 6 months, and now hes 13 months. He learned to walk the day after Christmas, then he learned to do a million other things quickly after that day. I think I’m going through postpartum a little late because this whole journey is just starting to feel real and nothing is slowing down. Time has got to be one of the scariest things in my life lately. I said that I was five years shy of 30 the other day and my head hasn’t been right since. All I’ve been thinking about is my time clock and how much impact I’ve made on this world so ( which is close to none). It’s feels so crappy to know in these past year, I have done nothing but parent. Why does it feel like parenting is such an easy task to do, that I should’ve had time to do something productive. Like exercise like I keep lying to myself saying I’ll go do, finish that book I’ve been rereading the same chapter over and over trying to remember where the hell I left off last, complete that scarf that only fits half of my neck because I’ve been too lazy to finish, or how about WRITE A FRIKEN PASSAGE FOR THIS WEBSITE BECAUSE IT’S SOMETHING I COMMITTED TO. I swear, me and myself are the worst duo. We can never keep a promise to each other, we always flake out of things we say we’ll do. We’re not the type you’d be friends with if you don’t want to be let down just about ALL of the time.
I started reading ‘Girl wash your face‘ and after a few pages, I jumped off my couch and cleaned all of the dishes, did some sit ups, used my new cricut, started writing this, and wrote out a meal plan.. all at about 3am. But hey, motivation has no clock. It was the most spurt of energy I’ve had in a long time. I don’t know if it’s just me or the weather or WHAT but I’ve been in such a funk lately that I’ve been denying myself proper care. Longer showers, clean clothes, nutrition, and things that just make you feel good. I say this all of the time but,
I NEED TO LEARN TO GIVE MYSELF TIME TO ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS.
I am just SO busy in the now and trying to keep up, that I forget to look around pay attention to the world around me. I never think ” when’s the last time I took a bath? Did a facial? Read a book? Been my own person for a little while?”
As I’m working on myself and how I can feel myself again, I encourage you to take that walk, draw that picture, write that story, or even make that pie.
The feeling after doing what YOU want rather than choosing what to do to entertain your kid, it’s the most freeing feeling in the world after feeling like you’re nothing but a parent.
Until next time, be yourself and make time for you mama. Because you absolutely deserve it.