It’s A Cellulite Life!


It’s that time of year again. Time to shave those legs, and try to squeeze into those mom shorts, to strut those cellulite thighs at the park, and own it. Yea–I’m talking to you! So you don’t have a Victoria secrets body.

You have a body that grew and produced beautiful babies who absolutely adore you; that’s why they are constantly touching you and calling your name.

Your stomach is probably a little jigglier, you probably have stretch marks that will never go away, and, chances are, your hips have widened past the point of no return. None of this should stop us from wearing those shorts and being the freaking good mom that we know we all are.

So why is it that when we gather up enough courage to go shopping for shorts, we feel completely and utterly miserable the whole time? Every time I look in the mirror of the dressing room, my evil self sits on my shoulder and reminds me how my thighs resemble jello. It reminds me of the little craters peeking out from under those very, very tight shorts. Eventually I throw on the towel and go home to a large glass of wine and some Netflix bingeing.

Yes, I have thighs that jiggle like jello. They have craters that you could land a toy rocket ship in. When I sit, my thighs expand like a hot air balloon. I have purple tiger stripes on my blueberry muffin tops and my stomach jiggles. My kids love to point it out. “Look, mommy’s belly moves like Santa clause!” Clearly, they will be getting coal in their stockings. None of this, however, affects my ability to be a good mom.


I could easily blame all of these things on having four children in a short time span. Often, I typically do, but the fact that I love pizza and wine could also be contributing–just maybe.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do work out. I love doing yoga for toning, boxing for cardio, and the stair master for this big ‘ole booty. None of that, though, replaces the knowledge that I just had my fourth baby. It takes 9 months for that belly to swell, for stretch marks to appear, and for those hips to get even wider (something I did not think was possible).

Society puts so much pressure on us moms to jump back into shape the second you pop a baby out of your hoo-ha. Well, I say screw society! Let’s be realistic for a change and cut our bodies a little slack. In fact, go ahead and give your body a pep talk,

“Hey girl, I know your a little saggy and wiggly right now, but you are amazing. You have given me some beautiful babies and I am forever thankful for you. You are beautiful and Gurrrrrl those hips do not lie!”

See? Don’t you feel better about yourself?

It’s hard to see ourselves as beautiful–believe me I know. We expect so much of our selves and when we aren’t at the size we want, we tend to self-loathe with delicious chocolate, red wine, and some sappy hallmark movie.

Well, it’s time to knock that shit off.

I mean–keep drinking wine, but the self-loathing needs to stop. Get off that dressing room bench, go out and grab that bigger size of shorts, and strut your stuff, mama. Remember: thick thighs save lives, and if your thighs touch, you are one step closer to being s mermaid. When you do find that perfect pair of shorts, after trying on 10 different styles while the baby screams, make sure you buy multiple pairs. We don’t want to do this again any time soon.

The important thing to remember is that you are beautiful right now, in this moment. Look at those bright blue eyes watching your every move. You made that, that came from you! Your body is amazing, and worth the extra time and love. You are a great mom. You have a sexy, desirable mom bod. Clearly, your husband can’t get enough of you, because you keep popping out beautiful babies.

Now for homework time, yes homework.

I want you to put on those shorts that you just bought, put some makeup on (if you want), and then take a full body selfie. Post that selfie on some social media site, or even as a comment below, and tell yourself how much of a beautiful badass mama you are. Believe it, and feel it. Then go grab an iced coffee and have your self a freaking awesome Monday!

You ARE a HoTmEsS, but your a beautiful HoTmEsS!


Kayla has a blog site of her own! To read more from her, go to


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