I don’t like being a SAHM

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I don’t like being a stay at home mom. There I said it. It’s a big deal I know. It’s a big deal to me because as much as I am forever grateful to be able to watch my child grow, I also want to grow. I am allowed to also have a life of my own and I know that I will have my day again but why cant I have both? For the longest time I resented my husband for being able to have a life outside of being a father, but I was automatically obligated to stay home with my son and make sure everything else gets done around the house. I am not a 50s Housewife, I refuse to be one.

I am not settling for any less.

I guess the repetition has finally gotten to me. I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. My sister and I talk almost on a daily basis and our conversations are almost the same type of feelings. Being a mother is hard. Its harder when you don’t really get a break or I guess the sympathy that you even get. I constantly have to chase a little human around 24/7 and barely get time to work on myself...Did I mention I take a shower maybe twice a week? I know Im freaking "GROSS" LOL. It's the little things that I would like to get back.  Like taking a long ass shower and not having to worry weather my child is somehow going to wake up or just taking a damn nap.  Can you tell i'm exhausted? I don't know whether it because i'm growing another human or everything else that is going on that makes me so damn tired.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. I love my family. Somedays I just don’t want to be a stay at home mom with horrible anxiety that continues to stress about the uncontrollable.

Now that Im pregnant again, I am forever grateful that we are growing our family but I honestly don’t know how I am going to do it all. I don’t know how I still do it right now, if that makes sense. I am still trying to cope with Lennons diagnosis and its hard. Its a lot of work, but I don’t trust another person to take care of my son now that he has diabetes.

Do you enjoy being a SAHM? Did you plan on being one? I originally was going to go back to work but I had no one to watch Lennon.
SAHM or Working mom , you’re doing a phenomenal job. Yes, I said “job” because it is a damn job!

Its good to be writing again.

Hugs,

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