Finding your co-parent…when yours is nowhere to be found.


I know there are many of you who do get some help from your child’s father, but I also know there are many of you who get very little to no help from them. This was my case. Being a single mother is hard. You are constantly wondering if you are doing this right, giving your child enough love and the right amount of discipline. You are so tired, and when your child acts up you either brush it off your shoulder because you don’t have the energy to deal with it, or you blow up until both of you are exhausted from crying and screaming. Mama, I’ve been there. You pick your battles. You know that if you pick every battle it will only exhaust you even more.

You tell yourself that it’s nice that you don’t have to share your child. It’s nice that you don’t have to make sure how you deal with your child is okay with the other parent. You can do whatever you feel is right without going to somebody else first. But deep down, you wish you had somebody to call and ask “how should we deal with this?”

You wish you had somebody.

You wish you had somebody to help you train your child to sleep in their own bed. You wish you had somebody to relieve some pressure off you when everybody in the grocery store has their eyes on your out of control kid. You wish you could call somebody up and ask what size clothing should you buy your child, knowing full well that in a few months they will grow out of the size they are in now. You wish you had somebody to hug in the hallway after you put your child to bed “We made it another day!” instead of hugging that bottle of wine. You wish that all eyes weren’t all on you when your child was acting up at a restaurant, park, or a birthday party with that daunting stare that asked “Aren’t you going to do something about this?” You wish you had somebody to hold you when you feel you’ve failed as a parent and tell you “You’re doing great.” You want a companion, a co-parent, a father figure for your baby, somebody. Oh, by the way, mama

…you’re doing great.

Oh, I have been there, those days were so freaking hard. I’ve wondered how in the world would I make it eighteen years on my own raising a rambunctious little boy. I’ve wondered if I was doing anything right. I felt judged everywhere I went. I felt like people expected single mothers to fail. I felt like people felt sorry for us. I cried myself to sleep countless nights. I felt unworthy, replaceable, and so lonely. I was so hideously jealous of intact families, and even of other single mothers who had the father in the picture. If you feel anything like this, you need to let it go. It wasn’t until I let go of my anger, insecurities, and jealousy did I find peace with who I was. A single mother to a wonderful little boy. When I found peace with that, I also found my companion, my co-parent, the Father to my baby right there where I was…Jesus Christ. When I realized that He was there to help me, I asked Him for help for everything from sleep training him to his own bed to holding me on my bad days as He whispered in my ear “You’re doing great.”

Mama, seek Him wholeheartedly and you will find your co-parent Who is waiting so eagerly to help you.


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