Last week, I went shopping for a cocktail dress for my boyfriends work event. As we approached the mall, I found myself feeling much more anxious than excited. Then as we were shopping, I found myself looking for something that would just hide my mom bod without making me look like a sack of potatoes. I found something I liked, pick the size I thought I thought I was, and headed into a fitting room. It didn’t fit. I went up two more dress sizes, before I found the right fit. I wasn’t sad, I was honesty pissed at myself.
When did I let myself go?
It was then that I made up my mind, that I will never feel that way again. When I started writing for this blog, I struggled to find pictures of my daughter and I, and its because I don’t enjoy taking pictures of myself. I hadn’t realized just how dire my situation was.
As a woman I can honestly say I have never been 100% happy with my body. It is something that I have always struggled with, but I always put my best foot forward to look good and feel good. I ate healthy, worked out, AND still enjoyed myself. When I found out I was pregnant, I honestly struggled with my appetite due to morning sickness and detoxing from a medication I took for PTSD and anxiety, it was a double whammy for me. So I ate whatever I thought I would keep down and it wasn’t always healthy. Once I made it through the first trimester, things were much better for me, but by then I found comfort in junk food. I was still mindful of getting in enough iron and protein, but man did I have fun with brownies and cheesecake!
I never denied my body or my baby of any craving I had.
As a result, I put on 50 lbs by the time my daughter was born. I’m 5’2, so those fifty pounds really looked like a hundred! For the next year, till now, my weight has fluctuated as I have gone back and fourth from eating healthy to eating for comfort and convenience, with ZERO workout in between. I found myself winded even to change my toddlers diaper (even though it’s comparable to wrestling a baby alligator) and I had zero energy throughout the day. At this point, it was not just about the weight I’d gained, but it was more so about the quality of life I was giving my little one because of choices I was making on a daily basis.
I realized something that really changed my mind set; I always nourish my daughter with good healthy food, lots of love, and I empower her daily. WHY WOULDN'T I DO THAT FOR MYSELF? We are all entitled to be happy and healthy, whatever that might mean for you. In my case, it's feeling comfortable in my own skin and having the energy to take my daughter to the park. I know I may never be the size 2 I once was, I am fully okay with that, like I said, this is about quality of life. With every new day, there is a chance to do better, and I am so excited about that.